growth spurts

One doesn't see with one's eyes, one sees with the whole fruit of one's previous experience.

- Aron Klug

Anita describes a familiar lament over on her blog. She expresses dissatisfaction with the images she is currently taking, compared to those in her head. I've had long periods of feeling the way Anita does - my aspirations were well above my abilities. It has been a strange progression over the last 7 years.

Initially I loved so many of the pictures I took, fatally overlooking my lack of technical abilities that I had no understanding of. I was blind to the faults. I'd print them, share them, enter contests and juried shows and be bemused by rejection. After a while, I started producing passably good pictures - still technically flawed, but compositionally competent, satisfying and generally okay. I'd learned enough to see what was wrong with my earliest attempts. I could start seeing glaring flaws like over-sharpening halos and uncontrolled dynamic range. I have several prints around the house from this phase that I still like. They might now be in the laundry, but they are at least still on a visible wall.

Then I went through another growth spurt. I was back again to seeing the glaring flaws in all the pictures I was taking. I couldn't print anything out because by the time it came to printing or framing it, I already was dissappointed in the picture. I learned quite a bit about composition and technical printing in this phase. By the end of it, again quite a few, better, images adorn my walls. That was about 3 years ago.

The more you learn, the less you know

I guess I'm back in another satisfaction vacumm again. There are no photographs on the walls from the last 2 years. My standards might have shifted again, but also the subject matter I'm shooting has moved away from grand landscapes and other forms of easy wall decoration. The images are now lots of people I don't know or maybe more challenging but ultimately satisfying images that don't look so good on the wall. There are a few I've taken that I could think about printing, but even as I type and think about them, I can come up with all the reasons that I'd be dissatisfied with them. There's a book I suppose, but nothing else printed in the last couple of years.

The thing of it is, though, that these periods of dissastisfaction are really where the growth is occuring. If and when you think you are doing good work, then you no doubt are, but you aren't striving for something bigger. The dissappointment and continuing urge to get better shows you know what's wrong and what can be improved. When that moves to the background, and satisfaction sets in, then you've stopped being able to identify the areas for growth, at least for a while. Those plataeus are to be enjoyed, but the struggle up the mountain is where the improvement is really happening, even if you can't see it and want to just give up along the way.

I first encountered this concept of plateaus on the way to learning in the book Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment A worthwhile read. I've also started using the Amazon affiliate program for links to books - feel free to buy through these links and I get a small amount back - or if it offends you, just type the name into your favourite book store and avoid my small attempts at commercialism.

True knowledge comes in knowing that you know nothing

- Socrates

ETA: Great comment from Paulo Bono on this post - well worth a read. It reminds me of the idea that a writer is someone who writes, and a photographer who is someone who takes photographs. If you aren't actually writing or taking the photographs, then you aren't really being a writer or a photographer or whatever sort of -er you aspire to be. Do the work and the rest will take care of itself.

where do your ideas come from?

I seem to over-think project ideas. Kill them before I even get around to starting them. Least that's my current theory about my lack of progress. I see in my mind's eye that the results wont be interesting enough, even before I start taking the pictures. I need to find a way to quiet those nagging doubts in my head that don't let me start. Well, I start, often enough, but the follow-through isn't there. Shorter projects work well because there isn't so much time for the dislike of the results to set in. I never feel the ideas are interesting enough, or worthwhile, or that anyone will care to look at them.

I've been journaling each morning for the last week, trying to find a way forward. That worked well in the past - I think I'm at the whining self-pitying phase at the moment. It'll pass.

but what to ask ?

I've kicked around quite a few different ideas for SoFoBoMo. What project to do ? I seem to have two main branches to the photography I like to do. The solitary, considered types of shooting, abstracts, colours, landscapes that I really enjoy and that really refreshes me. Then there's the seat of the pants interaction of portraiture that inspires and exhausts me in equal measure. One introverted and calm, the other extroverted and exciting. I really enjoy meeting people and the interaction that goes with shooting portraits, particularly with people I've just met, but I find I shy away from it unless I push myself. Over the last few weeks I've thought of colour assignments or local walks to shoot for SoFoBoMo. Shooting on South Congress last week with Chris made me realise I was just avoiding the most obvious and interesting SoFoBoMo project - just keep shooting people. So that's going to be the SoFoBoMo assignment - a month of the people who I meet. I'm actually going to carry my camera with me a bit more often. I've always been skeptical of those who say they have a camera with them all the time because you never know when a photo op might occur. I never really bought in to that, because the good photos that I've taken have always required at least a bit of forethought or planning. I don't often stumble across a great opportunity - usually I'll decide I have to come back later when the light is good. But I'll try it for a month. To make it a bit more interesting in book form, I'm trying to think of a good question to ask each person, so that I can then include the answer. So that's where I throw this out to all of you. If you could ask one question of a complete stranger, what would it be ? What would you like to know about that person standing next to you at the bus stop or on the train ? Karen asks a great question in the comments. Are you also doing model releases? The short answer is no, I'm not going to ask for model releases. The somewhat longer answer is my understanding is they aren't needed for editorial & artistic usage. I'm not planning on selling these images for stock. I don't use them for advertising. The book will simply be an art/coffee table book. Dan Heller publishes a lot of good articles about model releases and the need or not for them. This section on art books/ exhibitions etc is particularly relevant. The other reason I'm not too concerned is I'll be talking to the people I'm considering using. I'm not snapping away from the far side of the street with a 200mm lens. I'll be right there 4 feet in front of them, asking if it is okay, giving them my card and offering them a print. If they are uncomfortable with any of the process, I'll just move on to the next person, or not use their image if I've already taken it.

karla's party

One evening in Savannah, I was walking to dinner with the rest of the people on the workshop. We passed through Chippewa Square, where a birthday party was happening, with tea lights hanging from the trees. It was obvious that some people had gone to a lot of trouble to put this really cool party on, a big ice sculpture cake, tables, music. All in the middle of the public square - it was beautiful. Hanging moss from the trees, the street lamps, just great ambiance.

For some reason I felt really drawn to that whole thing. I thought it was great what her friends were doing, throwing such a fun party like that and I really wanted to take some pictures. More than that, I noticed her friends were all shooting with point and shoots, firing the flash and just missing the great mood and ambiance of the lighting and the park. I really wanted to capture some of that mood. The rest of my group walked off and I had to run to catch up with them, I spent so much time trying to get one good picture. It was really dark, everyone was moving and I was trying to find somewhere to brace my camera. I finally perched on the edge of a wall at the street corner and got a couple of okay shots. I also talked to some of the people at the party and got an email address. A couple of weeks later, I sent through some of the pictures. The person turned out to be from Round Rock (next town over from Austin) so we chatted a bit by email. Then I got an email from Karla (it was her birthday). I find out that she's also from the McGregor clan - her family left the area I grew up in and moved to Georgia in 1790, but she knew all my family history, the clan battles and so on. So somewhere along the line I guess we are cousins. I've been invited back for a clan gathering in May. Savannah is an odd place. Yet again, just following my intuition and going along for the ride with my photography hooked me in to something fun and made a connection. It would have been so easy just to walk on by but having the camera and an interest in people photography made me spend the time. I sent Karla a large print of the party for her birthday. It just feels good to give the prints away and make people happy with them.

the next step: the movie

TheNextStep: The Movie

When I was in Savannah, about a month ago, I took a lot of photographs. In four days I took somewhere over 3000 frames. Several people commented that I might as well have a video camera, the amount I shot. I think that dropped an idea in my head. From then on, I was thinking that I wanted to collect all the shots together into one sequence. I actually started shooting slightly differently, with continuity in mind. The video starts out very disjoint and jumpy but as I start to think about sequencing, there's a bit more stability to the camera point of view. My motivation with this is to show you everything. The good, the bad, the ugly (and there's a lot of bad and ugly). I found it an interesting way to take a look at how I approach subjects and composition. You can see where I dwell, angles that I favour and subjects I skip quickly over. Perhaps it'll give some insight in to how I take pictures. The sequence is about 5 minutes long. Every shot I took from landing in Savannah to arriving back in Austin. It is about a 17Mb download, which is why I haven't dropped it directly into this blog post. The format is quicktime. Feedback and comments are welcome on this as it is the first time I've tried anything along these lines. Technical issues: I put this together as a surprise for the various people I shared the workshop with. I've sent them all a much higher resolution DVD of this sequence (which should have arrived now, so I can share it here and not spoil the surprise). I tried a variety of video production programs, Adobe Premiere (Pro and Elements), Microsoft Movie Maker and a few others, until I eventually settled on Sony Vegas Video Studio. This had the features I needed and was actually friendly towards stop motion animation, which essentially this is. The price is okay - about $80 and it wasn't too painful to work with. It still isn't ideal, as there was no easy way to re-time a sequence of frames, that I could find. Other than that I was able to do this and two other sequences pretty quickly and painlessly.

not a portrait photographer

September. It was something like this. Just a few of the people I've photographed this month. I wouldn't say I was a portrait photographer. A year ago I had a real hard time photographing anyone, close friends, even my wife. I have a whole list of blog posts in the archive on fear, avoiding people, spending hours not approaching someone I wanted to photograph. I remember listening to some of Craig Tanner's podcasts from the Radiant Vista about a year ago and starting to make the effort to go a bit out of my comfort zone. Approaching my fears, take the pictures I really wanted to, but was too afraid off. I started a small project shooting some friends and that was a lot of fun. This month I did the 'Next Step' workshop with Craig in Savannah - which has a lot to do with again working through fears. September is almost over and I just realised I've taken pictures of a few people, so I decided to go back and look. I found well over 150 people that I'd taken pictures of in the last 3 weeks. Strangers, close friends, family. Some I spoke to for a few minutes, some we shot for hours, others I didn't even say a word to. So, I'm not a portrait photographer, but here's some of the people I've shot this month.

colby

Colby is another great person I met on the Next Step workshop. He described himself as a bit of a ham, always being the joker in the group. Luckily we got to work together on a few shots and I had a chance to talk to him. Such a generous and helpful person. He even bought me beer when it was required for artistic purposes! Now that's a true friend. Here we are setting the scene for a shot that I'll actually be in - Colby is working as my stunt double. We shot a few pairs of concept images together and worked on looking at the lighting and communication. I found collaborating with another photographer helped me take an image to a new level. We'd discuss and improve a concept, talking back and forth on the issues and ideas in a way that's difficult on your own. It is certainly something I'd like to do more of in the future. Inspirational.

dale

I had a great time meeting Dale on the Next Step workshop in Savannah. She claims to have a problem with focus, either that or a real fondness for blur which she turns into a great virtue. Either way, the images Dale posted were all simply stunning. Most of the images I saw from Dale had been manipulated through Photoshop. She uses it to express her ideas in a way that I can never grasp with tools like that. The changes strengthened or even radically changed the images but made them beautiful and emotive. I've been working to remove Photoshop and editing tools from my workflow for several years now. I'm not against the idea, but I spent many years learning and working on digital imaging professionally and have developed an aversion to that kind of editing in my personal photography. I think also as I developed as a photographer I wanted to stop fixing my images, forcing myself to get it right in camera rather than trying to save results. I got increasingly tough on myself in editing, throwing shots away that I used to make work in Photoshop and I'm certain that bias has helped me grow as a photographer. But you can have too much of a good thing and maybe I need to start paying more attention to creative uses of post-processing in my photography and learning how to take my images to the next level, digitally. When I do, I'll thank Dale for that inspiration.

don't be blue

My favourite colour is blue. I'm drawn to that colour, love water, shoot a lot outdoors with a tungsten white balance and am generally calmed by the whole blue palette. It suits my mood and normal emotions, all of the standard stereotypical ideas that you'd associate with blue. It's my colour.

But on the Next Step workshop one day I was asked to make a series of images that thematically tied to that colour. I wasn't having a great day due to some hard assignments the night before and I started journaling and thinking about ideas around the theme of blue. I wrote words like 'cool light', 'shadows', 'orange compliment', 'tungsten', 'sad', 'lonely', 'moody'. Perfect for my mood. Perfect to keep me in the mood I was in. But I wanted to change that up. So I decided to go 180 degrees and head in the opposite direction.

My first thought on this was to shoot red. But I don't shoot red. For some reason, you won't find much in the way of images based around the colour red in my portfolios. I have a lot of blue. There's a lot of yellow and blue or orange and blue too. Plenty of other colours, green features heavily, but not much red at all. I tried to throw the choice out to someone else, so that I wouldn't be biasing the decision. I asked a couple of people what their first impression of the opposite of blue was. Yellow was one answer. Red was the other. That settled it. For this assignment, I chased red around for the morning.

It was really interesting to shake things up like this - suddenly I was tuned in to a whole different colour palette. I was seeing red everywhere, where before I'd hardly notice it as a photographic concept. Signs assailed me from every direction (we were shooting in downtown Savannah - a typical urban area in many respects). People wearing red jumped out at me. It is amazing how much you can find as soon as you go looking for something. Things you'd normally just walk right passed become a focal point for a shot.

I've done this sort of assignment many times with shapes or textures. I'll decide to go and shoot circles and suddenly the whole world is made up of circles and arcs. I'll think about shooting lines and everything is an edge. Look for rough textures and the world is a scratchy place. But I haven't tried it with colour before. Sometimes I've worried that when I go and shoot in a particular theme, I'll miss lots of other shots, but the opposite always ends up being true.

Instead of walking around, trying to find something, anything to shoot, having a theme in mind focuses me in quickly. I start working earlier, with more direction and focus. On days without a theme, I end up with a mismash of different ideas, some half formed, others not so far along. Days with a theme tend to spiral towards a goal, I might abandon the theme after 10 minutes, because the real theme comes along, but I'm attuned to the idea of working on something and it makes me much more productive. So give yourself an assignment every day you go and shoot. It can work wonders to get you moving.

So there I am, in Savannah, under assault from all sides by red. I shoot some signs, I shoot some brick walls. Then I start noticing the words within the words that make up signs. Suddenly a 'For Sale' sign has the word 'ALE' in it. I can 'dig' a digital camera sign. I started shooting ideas based on extracting hidden words. All from red signs. Still the original theme, but now it has evolved to be another, more focused concept. I was trying to push myself along and had been having a tough time, so I started shooting some positive statements. I've dabbled in NeuroLinguistic Programming and the power of positive thoughts and while I struggle to accept some of the underlying ideas, it tends to work. Sometimes if you fake it long enough, you'll start to act that way anyway. So, I shot positive messages. I even put myself into one of the images to tie it back more personally to me.

Next thing I know I'm approaching a stranger with a great face and a vivid red hat. The bonus is, he's standing in front of the perfect colour compliment: a green wall. I figure I'll just be honest and tell him - I love the colour of his hat. Leading with that easy, honest gift of a compliment breaks the ice. We start talking from there and he is kind enough to let me shoot several shots of him, even allowing me to move him a few feet to take best advantage of that great colour background. Harold's cap capped off a great morning working with an unfamiliar colour for me. I know I wouldn't have spoken with him or photographed him, if I hadn't started out by throwing away my favourite colour for a few hours and trying something new. I'd be off in the cool blue shadows alone, not talking to someone new in the bright, direct sunlight.

At the end of the week, I went on a final shoot, to the beach and took hundreds of blue, monochromatic, simple, blue, blue, blue photographs. Blue water and blue sky images. In tungsten white balance just to make them more blue. I love them all. Blue is my favourite colour. But red isn't so bad.

acceptance

This was a hard thing for me to accept. I've always defined myself as an engineer. I might describe my photography as a hobby or something I do to pass the time, but I'd shy away from such a bold statement. I took pictures for fun, I spent a lot of money and time on camera gear and working with images, but I'd always avoid saying this. But here it is. I am a photographer. I see photographically. I frame images in my mind, even without a camera. Colours and colour pairs jump out at me as I go through my normal day. I can see the difference and intersections of indoor and outdoor light and can see the difference in colour temperature. I take & make pictures more than I collect camera gear. Ideas for photographs or concepts for projects assail me constantly. I am a photographer. I noticed in Savannah when I asked someone if I could take their picture that I'd bring a long, boring story along with me to justify the process. I'm on a workshop, I'm taking a class, no I'm not a photographer, it's just a hobby, blah, blah, blah. Then somewhere along the way, someone said this to me and it suddenly crystallized and became easy. I accepted the truth. I am a photographer. I'm a lot of things. No one term or label can or has to define who you are. I'm a husband, a son, a triathlete, an engineer, a consultant. I'm also a photographer.

nick

A new good friend of mine, Nick. Here Nick is posing with a DVD, that I made a series of similar portraits through. As part of the workshop we were given a fairly random item and then instructed to make some images around, involving or relating to that object - all with it physically present in the picture. I was thoroughly unimpressed with the object I got. I harboured jealousy towards the people that got the interesting items, umbrellas, weird and wonderful gadgets and here I was stuck with a DVD. I had no idea what I was going to do with it. I was unmotivated, uninspired, then I was asked to pose for a record shot of my item and I immediately looked through it. So without thought, I had my theme. For once an idea came to me completely formed, without lots of logical progression. So I went with that. I wanted to make all the images have a similar style and composition, so I shot 12 images all in this similar portrait style. Tight crop, portrait orientation, about the same amount of the DVD and person in each frame. This shot of Nick was by far my favourite. The blue/ purple hue worked well with his hat and that hat also provides a great frame and repetition. I think the lettering on the edge of the brim really plays well against the lettering around the DVD too.Nick also took one of my favourite portraits of me on the whole workshop. At one point during dinner I went around the table, taking a picture of each person and asking them to shoot one of me. It was interesting to see the different takes on a simple portrait like that from 11 different photographers. Even though we were all in the same location, with the same light and restrictions, people really brought their own approach to it. Some just took fairly simple pictures. Others moved me around to catch certain light or colours, others worried about the background, some waited for a good reaction. Nick got me to crouch down and look upwards towards him and the light and that really worked well. Inspiring.

gil

A new good friend of mine, Gil. Somehow I never got a straight portrait of Gil over the few days we spent shooting in Savannah. We talked and I was inspired by the strength of his belief. Gil's a great film maker and that really came through on some of his assignments. You could see the flare for storytelling. This shot used Gil's trademark Hawaiian shirt to provide some light and subtle colour to lift an image of the square's name plate. I wanted to shoot the park name, but the light was flat and not that interesting. I positioned Gil in the sunlight, about 15 feet away, so his illuminated reflection would lift the water lying on the plaque. I always find it interesting the things you can use for a light source or bounce or how you can provide fill in a portrait, just by wearing a bright shirt. Gil also involved so many people in his ideas and really got them to contribute. Inspirational.

harry

A new good friend of mine, Harry. I didn't really get to talk to Harry as much as I would have liked during the workshop but his images were always beautiful. He created my single most favourite picture from the whole week and hopefully I'll be getting a print soon. Harry really pushed out of his comfort zone on this workshop, working with people and getting them to help him create great shots. Inspiring.

karen

A new good friend of mine, Karen. We were paired up on an assignment in one of the squares in Savannah. It turned into a walk around to look at the different types of light quality we could find. Walking along, using each other as models, we talked about what light was hitting us and looked for ways to find it. The square had one large orange building in full sunlight and I've used that here has a huge orange reflector to warm Karen's skin. I'd use the back of my hand as a guide, seeing how the reflected light changed as I turned my fist around, watching it hit my forearm as I moved my arm in the space. After a few minutes of carefully paying attention I started noticing that I could feel the light hitting my face, turning half on I could really feel the light falling across my skin and how the ratios changed. Moving through the tree shaded area I could tell when the sun behind me was hitting my head, providing a back or accent hair light, or the warmth bouncing from a wall. Just taking the time to look at light was making me more sensitive to it. Karen also took the funniest set of self-portraits I saw in the whole workshop. Great imagination and hysterically funny to see. Inspiring.

coming home

Over the next few weeks I'm going to be posting images from the Next Step workshop that I've just finished in Savannah. There are a couple posted already. In some small part, I'm going to try and explain the things I learned or found out upon the workshop. As Paul mentioned in an earlier comment, it was an amazing and very challenging workshop. I'm not sure I can do justice to the whole thing and some of it is kept under wraps to keep it special for the next round of participants. But then I happened across this quote:

A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.

Sounds about right.

jim

A new good friend of mine, Jim. All natural light, in a square in Savannah. The squares are surrounded by buildings that bounce lovely currents of light through the space. Just finding the right spot makes a person glow. I found some quiet shade by a tree that was getting a lot of reflected light and asked Jim to let me take his picture. I had him crouch down by the tree so I could shoot from a slightly higher angle, that tends to flatter most people's faces and also lets you focus on the eyes with a lot of fall-off across the rest of the face. Jim has great eyes so that's exactly where I want the focus to be. Because we were in quiet light, Jim can also be looking up towards the clear, blue sky without being dazzled by the glare. The blue sky acts as a huge catchlight in his eyes, with my silhouette breaking things up. Jim is a successful film producer and director and it was a real privilege for me to be able to pick his brain about how he sees the world and light. He was really generous with his time and ideas. The amazing thing was that all his images also had a cinematic quality of light and composition. Inspiring.

next step

wow. What a workshop experience. Emotional rollercoaster of a time. Such a great, talented, creative and inspirational group of photographers and Savannah is such a beautiful place too. I'll write more about the workshop when I get home but wanted to share one of many portraits I've taken out here. Such a great week. Meet Harold. I was initially drawn to his bright red hat. We chatted a bit about Jazz and his love of B. B. King. Luckily enough he was happy to let me take his picture. I asked him to step over to just in front of this green awning, in the full sunlight. The quite harsh, direct light really makes the colours pop and his skin glow. I shot a few more as we talked then tried a couple with a similar background in open shade - the colours and mood of the shot in shade just don't work for me as well.

the next step

I'm not a great believer in horoscopes. It seems unlikely in the extreme that a particular paragraph is going to apply to 1/12th of the population, just because the stars said so. However, I do still read them on occasion.

I'm in Savannah, Georgia this week, attending the Radiant Vista 'Next Step' photo workshop. We don't really get started until tonight but I'm here a day early to enjoy some vacation time and see some of Savannah. I picked up a copy of connectSavannah and found this horoscope for Pisces, which did seem quite appropriate.

Hopefully I'll find my mojo this week. I'm excited to find out what we'll be doing! Part of the appeal of the workshop is that I don't really know what challenges Craig is going to throw our way. Savannah is a beautiful city, the people have been really friendly and it seems like a great place to spend some time.